Everyone’s afraid of the future at some points in their life. It’s definitely something that’s inevitable. I for one am going through this phase yet again. This time is one of the most hard-hitting ones that I’ve had in a long while. Looking back at how I grew up, I should have a well-planned future ahead of me. I luckily haven’t been through a traumatizing event like some people, but at the same time, I don’t know if I truly think that it’s a good thing or not. In books, you read about these protagonists who have been through a lot of stress and pain weighing down on them such as divorce, suicide or depression. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been through problems that make me think that I’m depressed, but I know I’m not. I have a good support system around me and I’ve had a great childhood. The thing is, the people in the books and movies, because they did go through some horrible experiences, life turns around for them eventually. They get those life-changing adventures or they meet someone to guide them. Nothing drastic has really happened to me, so then I end up wondering, where do I go from here?
Questions like “Where do you see yourself (insert a number of years here) from now?” often get asked and some people are able to paint you a vivid picture of what they imagine. Me? Not so much. Career wise, I always end up juggling in my mind about being realistic or “following my dreams.” People sometimes say that as long as you work hard for what you want, you can achieve anything and become anything you want to be. But then, there’s the other side of the story where you have to think realistically. Life is life. It doesn’t always go as planned and it especially doesn’t always go the way you want it to be. Of course there are those optimistic people who tell you that great, unexpected things can still come out of it, but that feeling of pleasure still won’t be the same. As for love, I can’t see myself truly committing to anyone yet. Because I am young and somewhat of a daydreamer, I obviously have those crushes and hopes on having the “perfect relationship.” Honestly, that’s not going to happen. I am one of those insecure girls, not to mention all of the “what ifs” that come with the ideas. They say that you either break up or get married. Having only two options, especially those two specific ones, terrify me.
When I juggle through and ponder about the future, I ultimately want time to freeze. I’m probably not the only one who ever does this, so I guess it’s somewhat reassuring. At the same time though, I can’t help but feel alone and dumb having to think through such things. Remember the feeling when you were merely a child and saw all these teenagers and grown ups who always looked like they had the time of their lives because they had the privilege to make their own decisions? All you ever wanted was to hurry up and be one. The idea of responsibility and being able to choose was just brilliant. Well, guess what? We were all naive. When they say time’s precious, they’re not kidding. With the snap of a finger, ten years have already passed by. The idea of time having that much power is frightening. In a couple of years, I’ll be considered a grown up. In a couple of years, I’ll have a family of my own. In a couple of years, some of the people I hold close to my heart will be gone…
Maybe in the end, Wendy Darling should’ve stayed in Neverland with Peter Pan. Maybe then, growing up was something she never had to worry about. I mean, their worlds collided for a reason, right? They could’ve chosen to have their own happily ever after. But then, even after they separated, Wendy got her good come out of the unexpected. The Jonas Brothers have a point. “Peter Pan and Wendy turned out fine.”
Dedications | Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events
1) You are allowed to take up space. You are a human.
2) You are allowed to have a voice.
3) You are allowed to leave whenever you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
4) You deserve more than someone who doesn’t know how to respect you.
5) You are allowed to put your own needs first.
6) You are allowed to love yourself."